These Words shared by My Father That Rescued Me when I became a New Father

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up between men, who continue to absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."